Instaskewed.

I don’t want to bite the hand that feeds me. Instagram has given me friendships with some of my favorite humans, amazing experiences and a business (see also: spending money 💸). But it’s also a vehicle in which I am inclined to get in and drive down “Covet Lane”, or “Negative Self Narrative Avenue”.

Set scene: I love my family. We are super fun. Like the kind of fun where we hear about an indoor water park at the 9:30am Sunday church service and a few hours later we are on the road with swim suits in suit cases.

But.

Ugh, bathing suit.

I resolved to just put it on, “whatever”, I said to myself as I looked in the hotel mirror. “No one down there knows me”, I repeated to myself as I walked toward the elevator.

It was crowded. I mean, people everywhere. Hundreds of moms in skirt bathing suits, in wet tee shirts, cover ups, bum dimples, touching thighs, rolls—you get the point. I looked. There wasn’t a single hard body (except my husband with his biceps and 6-pack, another story for another day). I didn’t see one single Instagram bod that I follow. Not even close.

The moral of this story is… I’ve got to stop being so hard on myself. There are far more people that look like me than the ones that make up my “following” world or my “explore page”.

And let’s be honest, those gals probably work a lot harder for it than I do. I mean, when they eat pizza—it’s probably two pieces and not almost an entire pie (and cheesy bread). I see my trainer’s squats, way lower and way more weight on her barbell than mine. Sure maybe some have incredible genes and eat like piggies yet rock a thigh gap, but it’s the exception. Not the rule.

Girls. Not liking your body is hard. Doing something about it, also hard. Choose your hard. That’s what I keep telling myself.

Here’s one more thing. I realized after my recent fall off the wagon, I never do well when I’m picking apart my body and calling out every speckle of it that I hate. I’ve never gotten up for the gym because I felt fat and ugly. I’ve eaten fast food three times in one day because of it though. I do my absolute best when my WHY is more significant than #bodygoals.

I was reminded today that health is the goal, not skinny. And after some brief introspection realized, I did experience my biggest physical changes when I focused on health and feeling good. I walked out of the sauna that day in February () because I wanted to feel the way that stranger felt, not how she looked.

Quick recap’o’truth for me to gaze upon later as a reminder:

1.) Be nice to yourself, and stay off social media if need be. The fact is, more people look like me than look like Jessica Biel.

2.) Make a change… for health, not appearance. That will come. And for whatever reason, your hunky Hubs thinks your mega hot. So believe him until you get there.

3.) You can do hard things, if surviving a brain tumor wasn’t proof enough. (–do I play the brain tumor card too much? Eh. Whatever. I had a brain tumor, hear me roar.)

4.) Lastly, while doing above mentioned hard things and what you want to change isn’t, instead of beating yourself up… try to find the things that are changing. Like how in January you almost threw up in every class, but now you push yourself to burn as many calories in that hour as you can. Or how you started this journey with a resting heart rate in the 90s and now it’s 68. Things like that matter.

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