Take the pictures.

I saw a video that challenged me to say one thing I loved about my body. I really tried and the only thing I discovered was my insanely low esteem. Since that video, I’ve kept an eye on the staggering amount of negative thoughts running through my head. I’m pretty confident in my abilities/personality and such, so it kind of shocked my system to realize how poorly I thought of my appearance.
I’m not cured. I’m not even really trying. And I’m definitely not disclosing new information you’ve never heard before—loving yourself is not an original concept conjured by me in this moment.
But this…
Tonight, I picked out outfits for my family. I did the babes’ hair. Once they were dolled up, I got to work on myself, praying for a miracle. I HATED the dress I had purchased for myself. I felt like a cow. Remy, snagged my tights (newer term for pantyhose)—and then I thought, why’d I even buy tights? Is this 1990? I second guessed not trying for a hair appointment. Or making someone do my makeup. Because, well when you impulsively book family pictures the day before.. you don’t have time to crash diet or whiten your teeth or wear a face mask every night.
Despite all of the above.. I round the landing for downstairs, my girls and my husband stop. Stare. My four year old said, “Mommy you look beautiful.” My husband adds something similar. My three year old runs over for a hug. I completely miss the moment and instead try to mouth to my husband how ugly I feel. (His fav thing to hear—not.)
That moment didn’t come back to me until I saw the way Jovie is looking at me in this picture. (The need to be healthy aside, strictly appearance based—) So what if I’m squishy right now? And so what if I have a double chin or dark circles? I know a handful of people that are crazy about me and a holy God who loves me despite my constant trampling on his handiwork.
After I was diagnosed with my tumor and was awaiting surgery, I remember vividly thinking— “If I die, I couldn’t care less if I was fat or pretty.” I only cared about my people and my legacy. Life happens, you forget. So, here’s a reminder. Ignore the lies. Monitor the negative. Believe your people. Take the pictures.

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