The truth about my selfie.

I think it’s so inspirational when people show their real self on social media. In a sea of perfect images everywhere I scroll, it’s so refreshing when I come across someone with the veil down. But. It petrifies me to post this.
Jan 2016 I had a ping pong size brain tumor removed. Surgery was successful in getting the tumor out and me not dying (🙌🏽) but left me deaf in one ear with right side facial paralysis.
I literally couldn’t drink without drooling after surgery so I should be so proud of where I am now. But it’s my face. And it’s completely different than before. It’s been a hard adjustment.
Part of the fun of my facial recovery has been developing something called synkinesis. Synkinesis is the result of miswired of nerves after trauma–so when I smile, one eye closes. Weird things like this.
Research shows huge strides are made with PT but PT is hard and I hate it. My exercises require me to stare in the mirror and fixate on everything I hate about my face. Something as simple as a symmetrical pucker (see also: duck face), I’m unable to do. So I have to practice via small self loathing movements.
Before I get too deep in my pity party, I need to loop back to the point. My selfie comfort zone is to tilt my head and only show you my “good side”.
When the veil is removed, what I’m trying to hide shines like a beacon: a pulled to the side pucker, a squinty eye, an eyebrow that barely raises and if you look closely (don’t, please) a permanently bloodshot right eye because since surgery my tear ducts don’t work. Blech.
This week my daughter threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her wear a certain dress. She yelled out “No one will think I’m pretty now”. I went straight into how beautiful she was, how what is on the outside doesn’t define us, God says beauty is on the inside, etc. but before I could pat myself on the back for the superb parenting lesson… God tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was listening to my own advice.
So. This one’s for the babes.

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