The truth about my selfie.

I think it’s so inspirational when people show their real self on social media. In a sea of perfect images everywhere I scroll, it’s so refreshing when I come across someone with the veil down. But. It petrifies me to post this.
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Jan 2016 I had a ping pong size brain tumor removed. Surgery was successful in getting the tumor out and me not dying (🙌🏽) but left me deaf in one ear with right side facial paralysis.
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I literally couldn’t drink without drooling after surgery so I should be so proud of where I am now. But it’s my face. And it’s completely different than before. It’s been a hard adjustment.
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Part of the fun of my facial recovery has been developing something called synkinesis. Synkinesis is the result of miswired of nerves after trauma–so when I smile, one eye closes. Weird things like this.
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Research shows huge strides are made with PT but PT is hard and I hate it. My exercises require me to stare in the mirror and fixate on everything I hate about my face. Something as simple as a symmetrical pucker (see also: duck face), I’m unable to do. So I have to practice via small self loathing movements.
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Before I get too deep in my pity party, I need to loop back to the point. My selfie comfort zone is to tilt my head and only show you my “good side”.
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When the veil is removed, what I’m trying to hide shines like a beacon: a pulled to the side pucker, a squinty eye, an eyebrow that barely raises and if you look closely (don’t, please) a permanently bloodshot right eye because since surgery my tear ducts don’t work. Blech.
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This week my daughter threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her wear a certain dress. She yelled out “No one will think I’m pretty now”. I went straight into how beautiful she was, how what is on the outside doesn’t define us, God says beauty is on the inside, etc. but before I could pat myself on the back for the superb parenting lesson… God tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was listening to my own advice.
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So. This one’s for the babes.

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