Tumor playlist.

You probably don’t know this, but I’m deaf in my right ear. (Kidding, I’m sure I’ve hammered this point into the ground.) As all the post-surgery symptoms are now on this side of reality, it seems so silly to have worried about them. Half that I thought I’d have, I don’t. And the ones I have, even if I tried to prepare for them, I couldn’t have. I suppose God wins (always) when He urges us to not worry. It’s all for naught. Like for real. It doesn’t do any good. (Repeat to self forever and always.)
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Being deaf has popped up in a few subtle ways. For my entire stay in the ICU, I was convinced there was a door with people constantly in and out behind me. (When really all the sounds were in front of me.)
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In my regular room, I couldn’t tell if the IV monitor next to me was beeping, or if it was my neighbor’s.
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When I got the wrap off and got home, it became more apparent in the form of little feets and mouths. Best sounds and LOUDEST sounds. Holy cow. Their chewing. And sweet Lord, the crying.
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This morning when we left for the doctor, it felt like I was in a wind tunnel. 100mph winds rushing around me in the car and I couldn’t hear the sound of B’s voice next to me. It was making me sick. We decided to try some music. Cued up my “tumor jams” playlist and the craziest thing happened. “I tuned my heart to sing thy praise.” Over the last weeks, I’d listened to these songs on repeat. So all the background noise seemed to die down, and all I heard was the song coming in–a direct route to my ear. We kept the music on for the rest of the ride. I can’t help but believe this WAS NOT a coincidental metaphor of how my spiritual life will play out in the weeks to come. I might not get a lot of fresh time in the word, as I had when preparing for this. (Because ouch, you know.. Brain surgery?) But I believe the work of peace and comfort He was preparing for me in those weeks (that ironically I thought I needed then, but desperately REALLY need now), will sustain me in the hurricane winds that might pop up in car rides and life and such.

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