Some grand faith.

I’ve been there. You get sucked into a good tragedy. You find your heart literally bleeding (or eyes sobbing) for someone you know, a stranger, a friend, a friend of a friend. And oh man. The ones that share their faith publicly? Game over. I’ve said a million times, how do they do that? How is their faith so strong? I don’t get it. Or, no way I could handle it as well as they are. Never thought I’d be on the lead end of one of “those” stories. But here I am. And this is what I think is SO IMPORTANT not to miss from my story.
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I would be doing everyone a huge disservice to pretend like I was superwoman. God has granted me with the ability and desire to write about this, and it’s easy to give Him the glory because of how I’ve seen Him move in these last weeks. But I want to be transparent, as to not project that I’ve arrived at some unattainable level of faith (as I felt watching other testimonies).
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Today, I didn’t feel so strong. I am overwhelmed with dread and I’m busting at the seams. I imagine a breakdown of massive proportions is on its way. I can’t even bear for tomorrow to start, let alone Thursday. This reality, doesn’t make God any less worthy to be praised. All the more, actually.
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I’m messy and imperfect and weak. If you’ve been encouraged or inspired along the way, I want to be clear on one thing. It’s not me, it’s Him. The same boldness and strength and power is extended to all of us, if we ask and trust. He won’t always “fix” it. But He dishes out alllllll the grace and peace when we need it. And Lord, I’ve needed it. I still have to do this. But He will carry me when I’m not feeling up to it. (Like, probably, from here on out I’ll be hitching a ride in His arms.)
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“I know that I need you, but sometimes I know it more.” John Mark McMillan

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