This might be the hardest, most honest thing I have ever written.
Up until this weekend I have practiced a very vain faith. I had unknowingly believed in a partial Christianity—handpicking and choosing what I wanted to believe in and live by. I saw Voddie Baucham speak in Homestead, Florida this last Saturday in a small Baptist Church in the middle of no where. Voddie Baucham says that truth is absolute. I had pretended that truth was relative for so long, I almost couldn’t tell the difference between the two. I had managed to dodge hard questions regarding my faith and instead bought into a “flowery-make-everybody-happy-and-comfortable” faith. Since the unveiling of such an idea, I have very much felt under some sort of spiritual attack; however at the same time feeling very alive, awakened… even unblinded, if you will. Also feeling a little ashamed and embarrassed for having settled for ignorance in my Christian walk for so long. My faith centered around experience and emotion (which was all very real), but lacking truth.
This is a HUGE step in the direction of spiritual maturity and a step away from the emptiness and void of my past walk—my prayers of forgiveness and grace falling on deaf ears, having never truly subscribed to the literal death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. ((1 Corinthians 15)) I intend to grab this by the horns and wrestle it down, not budging until I believe and confess with my mouth that Jesus came to earth by immaculate conception, that Jesus was the Son of God, that Jesus lived a perfect life, that Jesus preformed miracles, that Jesus died for my sins and was resurrected from the dead and now sits at the right hand of God.
My plan of attack is to walk through the Gospels—the written account of Jesus’ life and death and resurrection. And I will ask myself the tough questions:
~Do I believe that the Bible is literal and God-breathed?
~Do I believe that Jesus was born to man as a result of immaculate conception?
~Do I believe Jesus lived a perfect and sinless life?
~Do I believe Jesus preformed miracles—not just that He is capable of doing so?
~Do I believe Jesus died on a cross for my sins?
~Do I believe that three days later He rose from the dead?
~DO I BELIEVE IN AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH?
I pray that my mind will not rest until I can stand firmly on these truths and further defend my faith in a way that is powerful and not flowery and futile or vain. I feel as if I’ve been an agnostic pretending to be a believer and thankfully that is not good enough anymore.
I sense that statements such as these need disclaimers, for my biggest fear other than losing pride in posting this, is that the wrong message will be taken away. I have NEVER IN MY LIFE doubted the existence of God. He is very alive and real to me and I have never thought otherwise. The only thing I am guilty of is sitting on the fence when it came to the literal interpretation of the Bible. This was merely an awaking to the fact that truth is not, nor will ever be relative. I also know that my answer to all of the above will be, “yes, yes…very much so yes”; the difference being this time around I will not compromise my intelligence. I will cover as many pages of information as my simple mind can handle, on both sides of the spectrum, until I can’t read anymore. And from there I will make my answer, an answer that I will be able to defend intelligently and not based on emotions. My house will not be built on sand.
Always be prepared to give an answer
to everyone who asks you to give
the reason for the hope that you have.
(1 Peter 3:15)