I’ve stuffed a collection of light bulb moments into my big purse of life lessons over the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure exactly why God has been speaking so loudly to me as of late, but I am surely not complaining.
In a cabin in the woods, I heard loud and clear how self centered and vain I had become. God broke my heart for the hurt. 1 Samuel told me that the world looks at the outside but God looks at the heart. So I decided to give it a shot and as I began to look at others from the inside out, instantly my eyes were opened to this whole revolutionary movement of selfless love and this idea that led me to question… would I love Jesus if he were ugly? I began to wonder if the Jesus I had grown up with was an accurate depiction of the real living breathing Jesus, or if it was a Jesus jack-in-the-box I had created to fit my liking. It sounds silly, but it was really quite an earth shaker for me. I imagine also, that if Jesus came back tomorrow I wouldn’t see him dressed nicely in the pew behind me at church. He probably wouldn’t sing and clap to trendy Christian bands. I very much believe he’d swing by a bar or two, feed the poor and make camp with the homeless all before sun down. I love my church and I believe strongly I have found one of the few genuine churches around that loves Jesus and seeks to connect people into a relationship with him, yet I’m intoxicated by this idea of missional living, and venturing outside the Christian bubble. This excitement was followed by confirmations upon confirmations of a gigantic leap to the other side of the US. The ball is now in motion for a most certain summer in Oregon.
This weekend I chased Donald Miller to a conference in Orlando that I knew nothing about. I just wanted to meet the man who had written the book I sleep with at night—he told me that life is a story. That is pretty much all I processed from Don’s brilliant message, for I couldn’t focus with the ridiculous grin on my face and birds singing around my head. I do remember that the theme of Fushion 07 was to seek what it is you are passionate about and set out to do it, and do it not for you but for God’s glory. During the breakout sessions I avoided the mission driven speakers, for I was deathly afraid God would tell me I was to move to Africa. Instead I stumbled into a room and took notes on how to get published. Then I heard a guy by the name of Dan Kimball and he seemed to think that ‘people like Jesus, but not the church’. Dan was weird and had bad hair. But I liked Dan and I agreed with Dan.
So here’s the deal. I hear loud and clear that most importantly God wants me and he can use silly little me to build His kingdom. I believe over the next couple of months He will continue to polish and refine me into a Jesus loving machine and because I want to and because I sought after Him and not because I was going with the flow. I want to figure out where I stand on certain issues and get to the bottom of my political party of choice. I want to learn more about Emerging churches and find out if I want to jump on that bandwagon movement that reaches out to postmodern people and befriend’s the uchurched. I want to be revolutionary and not trendy. I want to be a free thinking liberal hippie who loves Bush and I want to share my faith in a culturally relevant way.
Welcome to my enlightenment, complete with David Crowder singing a catchy tune that tells me ‘I’ll never be the same,’ and that very much excites me.